How to write a condolence letter

There are times when it is not physcially possible to go to a funeral - particularly at the moment. Also, a letter is always appreciated as on the day of a funeral the bereaved person is generally in a bit of a daze and really doesn’t retain who was or wasn’t there whereas a letter is something to read and appreciate at a later date

It is often hard to think what to write - particularly if you don’t know the person who has died very well and after all you are writing it for the person left behind.

Therefore after the initial paragraph offering my condolences in the next paragraph I say something about my personal connection to them.

For example: When I think of X I always remember that hiliarious joke he told at your dinner party last April. It still makes me smile. He had such a wonderful sense of humour. (We are assuming here that the joke was neither sexist or racist!)

Or: I loved the way that X always complimented me on my appearance when we met….

Or: X was such a wonderful grandmother - she obviously loved her grandchildren very much and I know how much they will miss her. I remember meeting her at the zoo with them one day and they were obviously having the best time and she had just bought them all enormous icecreams.

Finish up the letter by NOT saying: Let me know if there is anything I can do.

Instead offer something that you can do for them. For instance - I will pop over soon with a couple of frozen meals for you. Or, would you like me to come over and mow your lawn for you next week - think of something you can do for the person if they live in the same area and then just finish up with ‘Once again, please accept my sincere sympathy and know that I am thinking of you at this sad tiime’ - or words to that effect.

Finally, make sure you put your address on the back of the envelope (or the card) as it makes it so much easier for someone if they are sending out memorial cards.

Here is a photo of Uncle Matt, Helen’s uncle who many of you will have heard stories about. On the day of his funeral Lucy, aged 5, asked if he was going to be BBQ’d or grounded. This cheered us up enormously, but we don’t recommend asking this in your condolence card.

Postscript: Melanie also says that at Uncle Matt’s funeral Max leaned towards her and confidingly whispered “I know where the body is. It’s in THAT BOX”.